hmmm.
Perhaps it's now time. After all, he deserves a proper introduction.
He's six years old and in three months time he'll be seven.
Thanks to his teacher as well as life in the Almost Average Household, he knows a thing or two about recycling.
And he certainly likes to do things properly...
...which is why he's become our self-appointed bin monitor, indeed our very own Jedi Knight of the waste stream.
The problem is he sees things as black or white and doesn't yet understand the grey bits in the middle.
And because of this he delights in nothing more than throwing around false allegations.
Like the day he told me I was bad at recycling!
Yes, that's right! My six year old darling has accused me of being terrible at recycling... Yes me...! Oh dear, I can see the headline in our local rag now....
Zero Waste Woman Branded Fake - own son dobs her in.
In my defence and to uphold my reputation he has thrown this accusation a few days AFTER the bin men had been and emptied our well-endowed recycling bin.
He peers in, sees it's empty and tells me I'm crap!
How to feel offended eh. After all my efforts!
So that the rumour doesn't get out of hand, I now show him the contents of our recycling bin BEFORE it gets collected.
But all I get now is:
"That's better mummy"
As if there was a problem in the first place.
Can you believe it! I'm being monitored by a six year old.
If that's not bad enough there was another scandal to hit the Almost Average Household this weekend.
Yep. This weekend I was on the receiving end of another one!
"Mummy, do you really want to kill more trees?"
I can see it now: Zero Waste Woman - Tree Murderer!
Where did this one come from?
Well this time... he'd only gone and peered in the compost bin.
Is nowhere safe? I've certainly got nothing to hide but if I were six, the last place I'd want to poke my nose would be in the compost.
But then, I'm not a member of the intergalactic bin police am I?
You see, as he was conducting his investigations, he'd discovered a combination of paper bags, some newspaper and an expired party invitation all mixed up with the fruit peelings.
Apparently, by diverting the paper products from the recycling waste stream I am now responsible for more trees having to be cut down...
OMG - I can't take this kind of responsibility. My shoulders aren't broad enough!
All I was doing was balancing the biological nature of my compost.
How selfish do I feel now? My compost versus the world's trees!
How I wish things were as simple as a six year old sees them.
However, he did get me thinking. Although he doesn't quite yet understand the balance of materials needed to make good compost, he did have a point about the paper products. I happily throw in all sorts of things included toilet roll tubes, paper bags, pieces of paper, newspaper, thin card etc, primarily diverting them from the recycling bin.
The compost bin probably doesn't need this amount of paper and he is right, I am diverting it away from being recycled into other products.
And I wonder how many others are doing the same.
Perhaps the only way to find out is to hire out my six year old monitor to the local council. He can go on an undercover mission, tell people off and report back accordingly.
I'm sure he'd be good at it.
He might even be able to help prevent possible riots over waste.
But I think I could put him to better use on the home-front.
Hmmm. Yes he could come in handy.
Instead of following me around, I need someone to keep a closer eye on his three year old brother, otherwise known as the junior saboteur, who loves nothing better than contaminating the recycling.
And then there's the King of Declutter, Mr A himself.
Aha...now that's where the Bin Monitor will be of most use. Mr A needs a shadow, especially when he's in the middle of one of his decluttering episodes.
So, perhaps my little Bin Monitor is a good thing after all.
One thing's for certain. He's got a future ahead of him and at this rate it has to be in waste.
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