Emergency measures

The alarm rings loudly.

"There's an unexpected item in packing area!" the automated voice tells all.

The alarm rings again.

Woah...calm down!

The only thing that's sitting in the packing area of the self-service till is my bag-for-life. I suppose it's a Waitrose bag in a Tesco Express store, so for some it could have been deemed mildly unexpected. But come on, this is 2008. We're all in this together!

Red faced, I look for the assistant. I avoid eye-contact with the other customers just in case they think I'm shoplifting. Ah but perhaps that's a sign of guilt? Maybe I should look each and everyone of them in they eye, like a jury ready to announce their verdict.

Phew, the lady arrives. Presses the release button.

I must have a trustworthy face, because she doesn't peer too closely in the bags.

With the first bag packed, I put my second in place, this time a smart little number in bright green.

"There's an unexpected item in packing area!"

Not again! At least by now, my queuing audience has disappeared.

The assistant smiles or perhaps grits her teeth as she presses the button for a second time.

All done.

I swipe my clubcard.

Another bleep.

A question.

"Number of own bags?"

I type in 2.


"Assistance Needed." flusters the computer, accompanied by the now familiar alarm bells.

I want to shout "Don't you believe me?"

Another smile to accompany another press of the release button.

I swipe, I pay and with a sense of relief I leave, with my emergency bank holiday supplies.

My reputation might be in tatters but at least my bags are intact.

And I swear I will never use those machines again!

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